The truth is that I welcome the chaos in my life. The everyday problems that come and go like the waves of the ocean. My mind is preoccupied with them from the small insignificant ones to the ones that blindside me and leave me breathless. I welcome the chaos because I become terrified when everything in my life lines up perfectly. When the odds are in my favor. When everything goes according to plan. When I have every reason to be happy. Those moments terrify me because I know that my mind is no longer preoccupied with my problems and I am left alone to face my demons. Nothing to blame. Just me and my own demons.